One Day! One Day I Will Prevail!!

I love animals. They're so cute and fuzzy and they have little faces that look at you in love. [Except cats. I hate cats. To quote a late-night talk show god, Craig Ferguson: "If you die in your home tonight, your cat will eat you."] I want so much to be successful at animal ownership but I seem to have a long string of bad luck with them. I had a pet snake named Speedy. He was a Red-Racer and would wrap himself around my finger and try to stab me with his, incidentally, unpointy tail. He disappeared suddenly one day while in the house. We never did find him.

Then there was Sparky, the Parakeet. He bit. My mom left the door to his cage open and while coming home from school one day, Sparky flew out the door.

Then, Jake. The black lab puppy. He was cute, but we learned a valuable lesson. Never name anything Jake: dog, cat, bird, child. It will turn out badly. Jake knocked me on the ground when I was 5 and wrapped a leash around my neck. Not intentionally, I'm sure...

Coco the bunny. He would huddle up in the corner of his cage, wait until I reached in to feed him then he would attack. Scared the poo out of me every. freakin. time.

Fred and Wilma. The county fair goldfish. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say these were the most successful pets I ever owned (9 months!)...until my mom killed them with too much water cleanser.

Petey/Tuvok the bunny. He growled. I have witnesses.

Archimedes the little black fish. I took such good care of him. He was so cute...until I forgot to put the lid back on his bowl...once. All I can say to this is that his poor broken body flopped on the floor and the image is burned into my memory for all time.

Our latest endeavor: Buddy. Sigh. I have never been so attached to a pet, ever. He was way too energetic for our little apartment and it just wasn't fair to him. We ended up giving him to a family with kids and another dog to keep him company. It was the right decision. Here's a picture for posterity:


I am absolutely determined to have a successful pet. Just once! It's all I ask! I can tell you one thing, the first thing I'm doing when I get my own place is get a dog. He's going to be cute and his name will be...mmm, lemme think about that one for awhile. I'll get back to you.

One last thing: I went to Portrait Drawing tonight and I'm all fired up. There are some good artists in that class and I can feel the heat of competition rising in my brain. Mwwraannggh! (that's my war cry.)