Sorry for not being around as much, friends. My computer has finally decided to abandon ship and it is only by the grace of God that I'm typing this now. You see, the power cord has stopped working under any normal circumstances and now only occasionally works while I grip it in one hand and stretch it mightily across the keyboard, effectively eliminating all practical use of typing on said laptop. "O's" are especially painful.
Let's make a list, shall we?
Battery: effectively, dead
CD/DVD drive: non-functioning
Power cord: shot (which when coupled with #2 turns out to be rather problematic)
So while I'm plotting to rip off an Apple store, I leave you with this, the stuff of my nightmares (and not-so-very implausible):