Graceful? No.

I rue the day I ever heard this song. Why? Let me tell you. For approximately one year I have tried to play it on the piano. It's not overly complicated. It's a fairly simple song. It's pretty. But measure 30 and 32 have signed a pact with the devil to destroy my confidence and my self esteem. My thumb refuses to find the right spot when coming out of that grace note.

I needed a good angry rant and as an only child this is my outlet.

Thank you for listening.

This is my canvas. It has taken me 3 days to make it look like a monkey splattered poo on it. Although, I have to say, I'm much prouder of this poo than its previous incarnation: a Pepto Bismol colored cloth hanging over a crooked easel. I decided to start again from square one and just paint the background.

I thought about a title for 5 minutes. No luck.

So, here's some artwork.

I'm using this one for an intaglio print in my printmaking class. I hope, hope, hope it turns out well.

Here's the rendering I did for the coffee shop. Ignore the Fred Flintstone car in the front. That is one thing I don't believe I have ever drawn in. my. life. It was sort of an "I haven't slept for a week and I have pencil shavings in my hair" situation so you've got to cut me some slack.

Neighbour is up here this weekend and today was entirely dedicated to "Twilight." Yes. It's true. I'm openly and freely admitting it to be immortalized on the Internet. Don't judge me. I thought it was a passing phase until the movie was just recently released and all of these confusing emotions started flooding in again. I am now re-reading the books and obsessively watching all the behind the scenes and special features. This will be the last I speak of this ever. Unless of course I meet and fall in love with Robert Pattinson in which case you will never hear the end.

As repayment for getting me hooked on...certain things (see above) and leaving too early today, I'm sipping more of neighbour's chai tea she left in my refrigerator. I do not. feel. guilty.

Now, I'm off to finish watching "The Mask of Zorro" and apply for some scholarships.

Thoughts and Ruminations

I'm feeling a little frazzled lately. You know the phrase, "when it rains, it pours"? Well. It seems that my financial aid package for either school I applied to isn't enough (by a long shot) so now I'm forced to frantically apply for obscure scholarships and come up with hair-brained ideas for making money on the fly.

Pile a dentist phobia and widsom teeth extraction next month on that and you've got one stressed out Ashely. Although, teeth are paling in comparison to the thought that I'll never make it to animation school. A fear that is quickly taking hold.

I've been so distracted that I grabbed the DVD remote this morning and didn't realize I had it in my hand until I was getting into the car. Then I ran into the door on the way out of the car and realized I had forgotten everything I need for class today.

I have been totally humbled by this whole situation and despite all of these goings on, I have made a decision. You know that Casting Crowns song? The one that says, "I will praise you in this storm"? The rest of that song is good too but that line is really what I keep hearing in my head. I have made a decision that even though this situation feels emotionally hopeless, I will continue to praise God through it. I'm doing it because no matter what happens to me, I know that God has a plan for this. It doesn't mean that I'm going to have the money to go to art school, it doesn't mean that I'm going to be an animator one day, but it means that whatever happens, it will be within God's perfect will. I would rather be there than Sarasota, Florida or Laguna Beach, California.

It doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to go to these places but I will find joy in the Lord no matter where I am. I'm realistic enough to know that I'm not always going to feel like it but it's where my heart needs to be.

The Appliances are Revolting.

We have had the same toaster for literally my entire life. Lately, it's been a little on the fritz. By fritz I mean when we go to unplug it, the cord and the prong parts are almost too hot to touch. I've been saying for months, "Mom, we really need a new toaster, either one of us is going to get electrocuted or it's going to burn the house down." She always waves me off and says, "But I like this toaster! It's cute and retro!" Rarely am I ever proven right in these situations.

Today I was electrocuted by the "cute and retro" toaster.

Okay so electrocuted is perhaps too drastic a word. Shocked, maybe? Melted flesh? Yes. That's more accurate.

I had a craving for some waffles this morning, so I plugged it in. Nothing. I went to unplug it to try again and suddenly, right where I grabbed it, I heard a crack, saw a bolt of flame followed by a sizzle of what was surely my flesh. I had an instantaneous flashback to my chemistry lab only there was pain attached that didn't belong in the original memory. I have a blackened thumb to prove the whole ordeal. I had to trip all the breaker switches in the house just to unplug Mr. Cute and Retro because we couldn't find the one labeled "kitchen".

This in and of itself is sort of a big deal but lately my (very important) straightener works only when it feels like it, my laptop plug practically broke itself into 4 pieces (lie: I broke it with my stupidity), the lightbulb in my room just burned out, the garage light doesn't come on but looks a little like it sparks and the radio in our car went dead yesterday. Have I done something to offend you, Technology? Are you exacting some sort of revenge? All I've ever done was love you! Sure, I may yank you out by your cord every once in a while but only when I'm in a hurry. What's next? Is my blow dryer going to detonate in my face? Is my alarm going to choke me in my sleep?!

I feel like there's a low budget horror movie buried somewhere in here. Man. I long for the 19th century when the only thing you had to worry about were lanterns catching the house on fire.

Wagons, what are they good for?

I've fallen off the wagon. And when I say "fell" I mean I fell off the wagon, dragged behind the wagon for a while and landed in the mud in which I am now wallowing. In the past two days I have had four hazelnut lattes and man. This stuff is good. I think my attempt to quit has intensified the addiction.

I have to say, I don't even feel guilty. I'm not guilty because I know I can quit for at least a week if I had to. Baby steps. But since it appears this once a week thing makes me savor the latte even more, I think I'm going make this a thing.

Well, I'm going to go savor. It's my last one until next week(ish).

Cut From the Same Cloth

Recently, neighbour posted on her blog why I'm her best friend. This is why she is mine:

An email I received after being incommunicado all day (more about why later)...

Dear Ashely,

I need you to ease me through the day. i have had no coffee OR chai and only two cups of passion (noncaffeinated) tea. for lunch i had fries and a burger at McDonald's :( :( :( because it is cheap and fast, and i just consumed 2 Reese's cups and a bag of m&ms. i am debating getting coffee or razzles or SOMETHING but only because I CANNOT BELIEVE IT IS ONLY 2:47.

HELP.

Your friend,

Anneliese

Sob. She's just as crazy as me.

The reason I was moderately unreachable today was because I was on a photoshoot! Camera in hand! I'm fairly sure the first half of the shots were blurry and a third were under exposed but it was fun anyway. Between Caryn and I we took about 1,000 photos. We were very conspicuous in town with our massive cameras and little high school caddy who came along to learn about photography. I felt very official. I liked it. I might do it again.

BIG. DEAL.

There has been all kinds of shenanigans going on since last we spoke. Actually, just one kind of shenanigan: I haven't bought coffee since Thursday. Can you believe it?! I can't. This is big. Chances are this streak is going to end today and if not today then certainly tomorrow but still. Big news. But with this big news comes some awkwardness because I have to bring my coffee to school which means I wave and say good morning to my favorite barrista but inconspicuously, obviously don't go get coffee.

It's my favorite time of year on campus. The trees are in full bloom. Last year, they looked like this.
I'll see about taking some pictures again this year. I have about a two day window before they all shrivel up and die and leave our campus once again a poor, barren wasteland.

Success!

Yesterday I got a phone call from my adviser at Laguna College of Art and Design saying I had been admitted and to expect an acceptance package in the mail. Along with a pretty decent Merit Award. Woohoo!

So now, the praying begins. I mean, I've been praying all along, but the intensity has been ramped up. I allowed myself a few days of just basking in the thought that all my day dreams might actually happen one day but the time has come for thoughts of other things. Like shoes and ships and sealing wax. Wait. No.

Financial Aid.

P.S. When my adviser called she asked for Ashely and I said, "This is she."

This phrase has always baffled me and have never actually used it in real life. I felt like an actress from the 40s with the rolling of the "r"s and the fluttering of the eyelashes and the big long cigarettes.

[Witty Title]

Tuesdays and Thursdays are becoming a little less painful.



Ever since that Ringling thing happened yesterday I've been thinking/dreaming/doing art just about 100% of the time. I. Love. It.

Life in Pictures

Dudes.

I checked the mail today.

I have been accepted to the highly competitive (haughty, pretentious laugh) computer animation program at Ringling School of Art and Design. Holy Cannoli.

P.S. I have new hair

P.P.S. Right after I got my acceptance package (and I do mean package) I got commissioned to do a rendering of a coffee kiosk in a business park. If the proposal is accepted I get free coffee every day for a year. I think I can handle that.

Tuesdays are for Painting

I will beat painting down with a blunt stick. A BLUNT STICK.