Thursday, July 31, 2008

Crash Course

Last weekend my friend and I took a happy jaunt down to the Gap outlet. It was a bit of an experience. Gather 'round, friends, let me share some wisdom with you in outline format:

A Lesson on Braving the Gap Outlet:
1) Shop on a weekday, less crowds, less competition
2) Go early or your size will be gone and you'll be forced to buy a triple extra long which when tried on becomes a safety hazard to rival the unbuckled seat belt, the untied shoe and especially the menopausing parent.
3) Be aggressive. Those deals aren't going to get up and walk to you. Elbow, knee, kick the shins, do whatever necessary to win the $4 tee.

On more than one occasion, I was flipping through a rack when some weaselly bargain shopper literally got in front of me and started looking at the same clothes. Mid-flip! It was a move I both despised and admired at the same time. My sensibilities were mildly horrified as my personal space was tossed aside like some old shoe. My initial reaction was to run, after all, I don't know what kind of germs these people may carry. Then I realized, don't be afraid! Fight back! Show that skinny beotch who's boss! And I did. I have $8 jeans and a killer bag to show for it.

It was a hectic day and after being served a $6 bucket of nachos from someone who looked like she would spit in your food if you gave her a second glance, I decided it was a harrowing experience and I'm a bit of a better person because of it.

I had two whole days off this week, and it was fabulous. I went to Borders and re-discovered my excitement for school and art and winter and knitting. Haaaaaaaa...rejuvenating.

So neighbour told me to give her and her family a shout out for being a long distance best friend so here: "Shout out, neighbour," "Shout out, Milo, you horrible cat," "Shout out, Nolan, as your blog stats climb through the roof and mine plummet to the floor. It's good to know I can be outdone so very easily. Keeps me grounded. No pun intended."


carissa anne said...

linell and i are freaking out about how funny you are, ashely young. you're our blog-humor idol. er, heroine?

LiNell said...

you made me LOL for realz.

carissa anne said...

ashely, linell and i were laughing hysterially at this post the other night and we think you are hilarious. if no one else, at least we are your biggest fans.

LiNell said...

i'm going to make a t-shirt.
with yo' face on it.